I am bored n frustated of everything Saturday, September 20, 2008
Well start my day like normal.... Clean the kitchen... Seriously I felt bored cleaning the house... I felt like I am a girl.... Seriously felt idiotic... Clean kitchen, hall n sometimes have to cook.... Haiz... I aggitated by my mom.. Yes as a son, we have to clean the house.. tat I knw. But U as a reader...how does it felt wen u have to do work at home while ur brother n sister(wat I mean ur younger sibling) is working outside.. First its my fault cause I did not find a job..Second do u tink its fair tat wen u were in secondary 4... U can`t work due to ur study...I can say I was a slower student, so I buck up by going to a lot of classes.. I got tution,class remedial.. It was stressing for me but I manage to grow through it...My point is tat my brother is going through his sec 4 lyfe n he had stayed back in sec 3 bfore... But nw I can say tat he is nt studying right nw...He is busily working n my mom is like nt bother abt my brother result...Wen I look at my brother mid-year result, I can say tat he failed badly.. Can`t even get a 10 point to make through sec 5... I can say, my mid year is also quite bad, I manage to get 12 point...I studied hard, n manage to pull through my `N` level... Well my so called mission, if I were to fail, I must fail wif dignity..wat I mean is tat,if i were to fail,I must fail wif a 100% effort been put on the thing tat I fail..I don`t want to fail juz like tat... My mom is not doing anything.. I knw my family had financial prob, but at least tink abt the future..The future of my brother.. He had been socialise wif bad company, i knw his secret...But I didn`t even tell my mom abt it....He`s been working quite often lately...(I dunno if he had been working or nt...) My main point on tis post is tat,If he work tat much, might as well he sleep dere n don`t come home.. I have to clean everybody S***T....My grandma always said/scold me tat we, my family like to juz leave the dish without washing it....Well..I can say,I always wash the stupid dishes after I ate...i didn`t wash the dish wen everybody start to juz leave the dish at the sink....Wen the dish pile up, the person who is going to wash is my grandma n me n sometimes my grandpa.. I knw part of my ego is making me feel angry...But u try to see other family. Most of them were train to wash their dish after eating n not juz leaving it for other to wash it...Even the mattress, i clear my own mattress wen I wake up...Well for my brothers, I have to clean for them... Its stressing to face the same situation everyday...I knw I am the eldest amng my brothers, but still its like, I do nt gain any respect...I onli gain respect wen I will start shouting at them... For my second bro..Tat will be a difficult situation.. I have to either give up or juz forget abt it... For my sec bro, I can`t use my shout anymore cause it will nt work... Sometimes I juz wanna give a jab or two... But I will get more severe beating frm my mom n dad...Well I use to beat my sec brother wen he annoyed me, but nw I am nt beating him anymore cause I am more civilise n I do respect him as he is a growing teen..Now,if he were to annoy me, I will juz ignore him or go away...Sometime my brother do disrespect my grandpa n me...But to my mom n sometimes grandma it a joke... My brother will sometimes annoy me or make my grandpa angry... Well if it were me last tyme...i will be beaten by my dad..I still remember, wen I was a small kid. Wen we walk infront of n adult, we have to bent down abit as a show of respect...I could still remember I was scold for nt doing tat...Its is sad...Everything tat i was scold bfore is nw a no use to my brother... My dad is nw working hard, so he can`t be looking after everything in the family..den wat is the use of a mother.. I am nt disrespecting my mom or others...Its juz tat as a mom... do confront ur child behaviour n ways... Hmm..there is a lot of thing tat I wanted to say...But I guess, I will stop here.... Will type more post soon
Signing Off EmO_ShaDowZ
ShadowZ signing out
12:50 PM
