2019.. fuck it. Was expecting to be a great year and now it is fucked.. I accept the fact you have to go to the hospital because of the cyst. What i cant accept is, everyone kept telling you to fucking go to the docter and check but you kept delay it. Reason there is no teacher to cover. Fuck off, you are showing me work is important then your own health. What made me cant accept is on my fucking birthday. Took the fucking leave just to sit and wait for docter for hours, not 2 hour not 3 hour but many hours. How do you think i feel? If this were to happen last week, i wont be freaking mad at all. This week my fucking birthday and Fucking Terengganu trip is coming up. Yes i am selfish, i have always been thinking of others, always be the person who standby an umbrella before it rains. All those small matter that people wont appreciate or forget. I am going stop this shit here. It feel relief to let loose of the steam in here.

Seriously fuck all. Fuck everyone... no point being Mr Nice Guy. What is the point of being nice to other and other fuck your life up. The shit feeling i am having right now. Its ok, i just a fucking trash. Just because of your statement, i being damn and all the fucking vultures are reaping onto me. You fucking love to see my family hate me. Thank you. You should have not accept me long time ago..ni should have just jump the stupid building long time ago. Thanks for all of this.

Its been a while. Sometimes the wishing of being dead then alive is playing and lingering in my brain. All i can say, my mind is not up to a normal mind. I wish i can just run away from all of this problem. Now i wish i can be alone. Maybe being alone seems cold, but atleast it doesnt ache my heart at all. Fuck all this shit that revolve around me 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕. I wish i was not born in this world. Nobody appreciate things i done for people. Shouldnt have been a nice person. People see the bad things we do will nice things we did is left aside just like that.

Seriously... i am just not ready in getting marry because of alot of reason. Main reason is finance. With this type of pay, seriously how much i can push here and there. Everyone keep insisting me to get married, i dont feel an accomplishment because i am not using much of my own money. I am a failure of me. That is what i think of myself. Not every bridge is cemented and fill with metal, my bridge is still wood and it is easy to shake.

Today i had a dream. Currently still working. Just now i had my rest and I dream of Nelly. Not only Nelly, but the whole family. They came here to visit. The funny part is when we all ride bike. Not sure what bike but everyone who is going for the ride have own bike. It was fun with me doing wheelie. And there Nelly was with her child but cant seem to find the husband. She had a short hair though. Suddenly I woke up from the dream.

Seriously fuck my bloody life. Just now at work really2 suck. Now this.. even my own brother dont even respect me. Seriously i am just giving up on life. Yes, i am the worst brother ever. No respect for me at all. I only had one meal for today due to my blunder and now this shit. Fuck really no mood to even eat. Thanks everyone who ruin my fucking day.

Sometimes i dont see the greatness in doing good. U help others and the next thing bad things are coming your way